Apostle of Disbelief Published Poet’s Haven Digest, It Was a Dark and Story Night Anthology December 2018 A revised version of this poem also appeared in The Blue Nib Literary Magazine poetry It was a dark and stormy night born from sight stealing light and sterile preoccupation doused in antiseptic and led by misguided superiority
the most silent thing in the room was me lying arms spread velcroed down amid summoning circuitry and questioning beeps
and the Blacksmith Surgical Cesarean Section Set 88 gleaming instruments of disregard lined up neatly with authority and one purpose
I spoke politely first then with growing urgency then with repetitious bluntness “I am not numb on my right side.”
he was full up on Disbelief founded entirely upon an utterly blind belief in some other thing that the logic and boundaries of his world would not allow for me
the staccato of his ‘S’s’ hissed so close to my ear I could feel the moisture in his breath “The worst is over.”
my heart pounded His Machines warning mustering until my veins burned with the poison of silence until my vision spilled in lazy circles
until reason was blunted nearly gagging me “You drugged me,” I wailed shocked by my disacknowledgement and numb only with the realization that no outward force would compel
this man to hear me when the scalpel sliced supremely sharp against the layers of my abdomen its awful beauty too much
for my nervous system to process I was the loudest thing in the room even next to the swearing of my OB the horrific clamor of 87 instruments hitting the floor the footsteps of so many people scrambling
and the Apostle of Disbelief defending his crime of Unwillingness louder than them all when the Man and His Machines undid me
under the sight stealing light and the sterile preoccupation of certainty it was a dark and stormy night.